How do I find myself after maternity leave if I feel lost?
After maternity leave many women feel the old self is gone and the new one is not yet known. This is not a loss but a change of season. Start small: set aside one hour a week just for you, write down what you want now, not before, and take one small step that way.
Updated
Why you feel you have lost yourself
For several years life was built around the child and the family. Professional roles stepped back, and so did friends and interests. When the child grows, it turns out your own wishes have not been heard for a long time.
Old goals may no longer fit, and that is normal. You have changed, so look not for who you were but for who you are now.
Where to start
- Set aside at least one hour a week just for you. Agree with your family in advance.
- Write answers to three questions: what interests me now, what am I tired of doing, what am I missing.
- Do not compare yourself with who you were before leave. Compare with yesterday.
- Pick one small step: a short course, a chat with an acquaintance from your field, an hour for your own project.
- If going back to work is frightening, break it into steps: a resume, one call, one meeting.
When you need a specialist
If after birth low mood, tears and anxiety last a long time, or sleep and appetite are gone, see a doctor. This happens, and it is nobody's fault. The doctor chooses the treatment.
The Ladder does not replace a doctor. It helps you see what your goal is now and what stops you from stepping toward it. The free diagnostic takes 10 minutes from your phone.
Psychological work goes alongside treatment, not instead of it. Diagnosis is made by a doctor.
Frequently asked questions
Why am I ashamed to want something for myself?
Many are taught that a good mother thinks only of her children. But wanting to be someone else as well does not take love from a child. There is more in the answer about guilt.
What if I do not know what I want at all?
This is common. Start not with a big goal but with the question "what would feel good today". The answers gradually form a picture.
Is it too late to return to a career after several years at home?
Many women return after three or even five years. It is better to start with small steps than with a sudden jump.
See what is holding you back.
In 10 minutes, the Ladder shows past events, other people’s words and your fears on one map. You get your own map at the end.
Take the free diagnosticFree · no sign-up, no payment · 10 minutes · on your phone