How do I figure out what I really want?
It is easier to find a wish from the other side: notice what you envy, what you keep putting off and what you are tired of, and separate your own “I want” from “I should” and “that’s how it’s done”. Then write one goal so that it can be checked by a number or a date. If you feel anxious afterwards, the goal has touched something, and it is worth looking at what is behind the anxiety.
Updated
Why it is hard to know what you want
Many women hear from childhood how things should be: study, marry, don’t stand out, help others. Nobody asked about their own wishes, and over time those wishes became quieter than other people’s.
So the question “what do I want” is often answered with “peace” or “for everything to be fine”. These are states, not goals: it is unclear what to do tomorrow.
Four hints on where to look for your own wish
Answer in writing, quickly, without polishing the wording:
- Who and what do I envy? Envy shows what you need but do not yet allow yourself.
- What do I keep putting off even though I think about it? That is where you are drawn, and fear holds you back.
- What would I do if nobody found out and nobody judged me?
- Where do I say “I should” and hear someone else’s voice behind it: my mother’s, my mother-in-law’s, society’s?
How to turn a wish into a goal
Pick one wish and write it so that in three months you can answer “yes” or “no”: “reach an income of 800,000 ₸ a month”, “sign up and finish the first month of a course”, “talk to my mother about moving”.
Next, in the Ladder method you see where you stand now, what pulls you back from the past, and who or what is in your way. The free diagnostic builds this map in 10 minutes from your phone, without signing up.
Frequently asked questions
What if I have many wishes and cannot choose?
Choose the one that brings both interest and a little fear when you think about it. The others will not disappear, they will wait their turn.
What if I want something my family would judge?
This is a common reason a wish hides. First just admit it to yourself. The decision and the talk with your family can come later.
Can a wish be wrong?
A wish itself is neither right nor wrong. What matters is checking whether it is yours and not imposed, and what you are ready to give for it.
See what is holding you back.
In 10 minutes, the Ladder shows past events, other people’s words and your fears on one map.
Take the free diagnosticFree · 10 minutes · on your phone