How do I stop comparing myself to other people?
You can’t switch comparison off by willpower, because it shows what you want and what you don’t allow yourself. Notice who you compare yourself with and in what: that is a clue to your real goal. Once the goal is written down and the steps to it are visible, someone else’s ladder stops being the yardstick.
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Why we compare
Comparison is a way to work out where you stand. The trouble starts when the yardstick becomes someone else’s life shown in its best light: a photo from a feed, another person’s income, another person’s family.
Behind it often sits an old phrase: “look, she manages”, “be like everyone else”. Someone once said it to you, and now it sounds in your own voice.
Three questions instead of fighting yourself
- Who do I envy most, and for what exactly: money, freedom, calm, a body? That is your clue to your goal.
- What stops me from having this for myself? Specifically: what am I not doing, and why?
- Whose words do I hear when I measure myself against others? My mother, a teacher, a mother-in-law, a friend?
How to bring your attention back to yourself
Comparison starts where there is no goal of your own. When there is one, written so that you can check it, other people’s successes stop being a verdict. They are just someone else’s steps.
In the Ladder method you see your own ladder: the goal, where you stand now, what pulls you back from the past, who and what stands in the way. The free diagnostic builds it in 10 minutes from your phone, with no sign-up.
Frequently asked questions
Is this envy? Is something wrong with me?
No. Envy shows what you want but don’t yet allow yourself. The feeling itself is not the problem. The problem is when it turns into blaming yourself.
Does unfollowing people who irritate me help?
It lowers the noise and gives you a break. But the cause stays, so it matters to answer what you are missing yourself.
Is this about low self-esteem?
Sometimes, but not always. Your self-esteem can be fine while you have no goal of your own, and then other people become the yardstick.
See what is holding you back.
In 10 minutes, the Ladder shows past events, other people’s words and your fears on one map.
Take the free diagnosticFree · 10 minutes · on your phone